What you've become is what you are

I have always been in awe of people that have exceptional talent, drive and determination. People who focus on a goal and give their heart and soul to it. And most of these people start the journey before they are old enough to enter kindergarten! I'm pretty sure my goals at the tender age of four included getting mom to take me to the park so I could see how high I could swing.

So I wonder.....do these young prodigies ever whine that they don't want to practice? Do they want to give up and do something else? I'm sure there are those whose parents are a driving force....not letting them give up or quit. But I believe many of them just have it in themselves to plow ahead. Every time the Olympics roll around, you hear all about the hours these young athletes put in. The stuff they have missed and how they don't really get to be "regular" kids. This is totally a foreign concept to me as I was always a big whiner and hated practicing....I just wanted to be good without putting the work in!

So I've spent a lot of time envying these folks (and not just athletes.....but anyone that has known early on where they were going in life). Why couldn't I be that way? Why am I still trying to figure it out at age 38? But then in dawned on me (hit me over the head like a lead brick)....these go-getters could actually envy me too. They figured out at the age of three that they wanted to be a major league baseball player. So they practiced and played baseball almost constantly. Eat, drink, sleep baseball. They achieve their dreams and couldn't be happier about it. But do they ever, just once, think "I spent my whole childhood on baseball. I wonder what it would have been like to take piano lessons? Or to try my hand at writing stories?" (this is not to say that if you are exceptionally good at something you don't have ANY other talents or do anything else, you understand).

I don't know if I have one true talent. I don't believe I was wired to follow a set dream from childhood to adulthood. My what-I-want-to-be has changed more times than I can count. But I don't tend to have the attention span to go all out. But maybe that's not a bad thing. In my life I've been a dancer, a softball player, a singer, a writer, a swimmer, a skier, a drummer, a knitter/crocheter, a photographer, a gymnast, a psychologist, a cross-stitcher, a guitarist, a scuba diver, a signer, a travel agent, a teacher and a decorator (to name a few!). Did I ever get paid to do any of these things? Nope. Never did any of them professionally. But they are things I have had a passion for at one time or another. Things I threw myself into and loved at the time. I have had VARIETY through my life.....and I guess that's what works for me. Perhaps I was never meant to do one thing. Pursue one dream. Maybe I was just meant to try it all. Be kinda good at many things instead of really good at one or two things.

Which brings me to my next point. I have become increasing annoyed with the question, "So? What do you do?" Obviously, the person wants to know what my job is. But for me, my "job" could not reflect who I am any less. First of all, I have to tell people that basically I do computer stuff. Ok, right off the bat, they are thinking "computer geek" and that I'm a techie. Ummmm. No. Actually, I know almost nothing about hardware. And I really don't care to. I know a lot more about software. I know my way around Word, Excel, Powerpoint, etc. pretty well (and if I don't know how to do something, I know where to find out how). I kinda fell into this work and over the years have just continued to learn a little more. But when people ask what I "do", I would much rather answer with what I do when I'm NOT at work. Because that is who I really am. I want to tell people that I'm an artist (right now with sticks and string), that I'm a traveler, that I "work" for non-profits like Gilda's Club and Make-A-Wish, that I am a musician if only just in my soul, that I strive for justice and to make things right and easier for others, that I'm a therapist, that I'm a cheerleader, supporter and defender for the musicians, sports teams, and causes that I love, I'm a tree-hugger, a pacifist, a non-conformist and a hippie.

And if I could make a living doing all those things, I would!! But I could never even pick just one and make it a career. So I will keep doing what I'm doing during the day to keep a roof over my head and food in my mouth. And I will just have to accept that the multitude of things I listed is what I'm going to "be" when I grow up.

Cause the non-conformist in me says "who decided our career was what we are to begin with!"