Let The Tears Splash All Over You

Today is my last day at work. I've known this day was coming since the beginning of October. But that doesn't seem to be cushioning the blow.

I am an odd mix of emotions since I've been over this place for quite a while....I've wanted to leave for some time. But the circumstances are not exactly what I had in mind. I am very controlling when it comes to change....I get cranky when things happen that I did not make a pro/con list first! And no matter what, it is still hard to leave the people I have worked with for the past 6 years. And, to be quite honest, I am scared. This is the absolute worst time to be out of work. I survived the post-9/11 unemployment boom....but this is much much worse.

I hope my temp agencies can find me work. I hope I don't lose my house. I hope I don't get behind on bills or get turned over to collection agencies. I hope I can find a new job.

So today will be a rough day. I have already cried once (it's the hugs, people....they get me every time). Tonight my co-workers and I will be going out for dinner and drinks. Once that glass of wine hits, the floodgates will be opened with no ceasing!

Here's to surviving the storm and having my own success story to tell.....

My Grown-Up Christmas List

Hi Santa! I know you must be busy, what with all the Wii's you have to load up and such. But I was wondering if you could just take a moment to look over my list. I'm sure somewhere along the way I've done something worthy of at least a few of these things:

1) An extended winning streak for my Stars (and a Stanley Cup....for good measure....)

2) An extended winning streak for my Penguins (sorry, Pens, I have to show favoritism to my Stars. Can you wait until next year for the Cup? Thanks for understanding! Love you!)

3) To finally figure out what I am supposed to be doing with my life career-wise. I have to think being an administrative assistant ain't it....

4) A successful first year for our new President. There is a lot riding on him and I can't imagine the pressure. I'm not expecting miracles....just a little light at the end of the tunnel

5) Another trip to Europe before I'm 40 (so, see? I'm giving you TWO Christmas's to make this happen....)

6) Good tickets to at least one of my three DMB shows this year

7) That my little Roaming Penguins continue to meet their real-life counterparts (and that maybe I'll get to meet the real-life counterparts myself ;) )

8) Snow for Nashville

9) Patience, compassion, humbleness, sincerity, genuineness, courage, focus, strong work ethic, maturity, selflessness, humility, ambition, social skills, discipline, an infectious smile, self esteem and strength. Oh, and this is all for me. Though if you have enough left over, I'm sure there are others that could use a little of this as well....

10) A Dave Matthews look-alike for my very own (and if he could play guitar like Dave....and write songs like Dave....and have a voice like Dave....that would be fabulous!)

11) A turnaround of the economy

12) An end to global warming....hybrids for everybody!

13) A bottomless gift card to iTunes

14) A little more love. A little less hate. And a lot more tolerance.

15) A lifetime supply of Reisling

16) A lifetime supply of Logan's Roadhouse rolls

17) An overactive metabolism

18) An attention span

19) Another wonderful, purr-filled year with Josey

20) World peace

Making a list and checking it twice

There are many things I enjoy about being single. For instance, I can sit on my couch in my underwear, watch a "Saved By The Bell" marathon and eat frosting from a can and no one is going to walk in and say "What are you wearing/watching/eating??" I can also let the housework go without offending anyone but myself. There are perks....I am comfortable enough with my singleton-ness to admit that.

But then there are times when having a member of the male persuasion might be just a tad nice. Like when I'm decorating for Christmas. I am not altogether fond of the decorating process. It is often frustrating and exhausting. I so enjoy the end result and then want to leave lights, trees, garland and wreaths up all year. But the "joy" of getting all that crap up leaves lots to be desired. I almost didn't decorate this year because my frustration level hit an all-time high two weekends ago. Let's just say there was blood and tears shed by the truckloads. Ho, ho, ho.

I did finally give in a little and put my tree up tonight. There are lights on it....but that's as far as I've gotten. I am going to allow myself to say "enough" when I feel I've hit my limit (not every surface of my entire house has to look like Christmas threw up on it). This may mean that stuff I would love to see doesn't get done (can we talk about my light obsession? cause I could seriously send my electric bill into five figures if I had the chance). It would just be nice if the entire burden wasn't all on me...share the love, so to speak!

Then there's that whole "sharing time with the one I love during the holidays" thing....but since I have accepted that my Mr. Right existing is less likely than St. Nick himself, we'll just skip that whole song and dance...

Well it's a pretty good day

Days where just about everything goes right are rare, so I need to give yesterday it's props!

1) All Hail The Chief

When I saw Obama give the speech at the Democratic Convention in 2004, I thought "He should run for President. I would sooooo vote for him." Thanks for listening, Barack! I'm not going to go into a long-winded political speech, but, I think this is going to be a very good thing. It is change...and that's what you do when things are going terribly wrong. Do I expect things to be all rainbows and lollypops from now on? No. But I think things are going to happen. And I'm ready to be proud to be from the good ol' U.S. of A. again....

2) Working For A Living

Things at my Place of Employment have not been good for a long while. I haven't been happy anyway and found out a month ago that my job was being eliminated because of budget cuts. Last week I was offered another position at our agency.....a position I don't particularly want (for reasons that go on and on and on). But I am learning not to cut off my nose to spite my face as I get older and was seriously wrestling with whether to take it or not (there are a lot of little factors at play here). I thought I would have to make a decision rather quickly, but have learned that there are options, so I'm glad I have more time and that there are things that may change everything and make it better. Also, after about a week of not seeing any job postings I liked, I found two today. Sending out my resume always makes me feel like I'm trying. There may be hope.

3) Money (That's What I Want)

My parents got me a gift certificate to Amazon for my birthday so I could order an external CD burner. I ordered one at the end of September and learned a few weeks later that UPS showed they delivered it. I saw no evidence of said package. I wrote to the company I ordered it from and they simply wrote back and said "UPS showed it was delivered" I wrote to them and said "well, it ain't here" (you know....something like that) I didn't hear back. I wrote again and they said they'd check with UPS and get back to me. I didn't hear back. I went in to leave this company a negative review and saw someone else had left a comment that said Amazon's A-to-Z Guarantee got them their money back. I tried it. It worked!! Yay for the little guy!!

4) Roamin', Roamin', Roamin'

Things are going swimmingly with the Roaming Penguins! I really need to do a follow-up post with pictures and stories....people are so creative! But the best thing so far is a Yarn Penguin got to meet his Human Penguin! I sent a Marc Andre Penguin to Kaitlin and Nicole and they took him to see Marc Andre Fleury this weekend. I was beyond thrilled.....a real NHL superstar was holding this little thing I created.....just wow! And they explained the project to him, so it wasn't just "here, sign this stuffed animal" Our little roamers are making a big splash!

So, yeah, all the planets were aligned and karma smiled down on me. Doesn't happen very often, so I'll take it when I can get it!!

Lying on the roof...counting...the STARS that fill the sky...

Well, this post is a tad overdue....sometimes real life just gets in the way....

So, I'm a huge Dallas Stars stalker....ummmm...I mean....fan. A few years ago, after the lockout, my sister and I went to a practice and got autographs after. That's one thing I love about my Stars....having that setup so that the fans can get face-to-face is the best idea ever. We got to meet everyone from the 2005 team except Zubov. It was a mostly positive experience with the exception of Mike Modano. I won't go into details, but I went away with a bad taste in my mouth from that meeting. Thankfully, Marty Turco made up for it and I got this lovely picture here:

Please don't ever let me cut my hair that short again...

Well, I found out about two years ago that the Stars stay at the Hilton across from the arena and they just walk back and forth for practice and the game! I decided that it is too sweet of an opportunity to miss getting to say hi when they are a mere two miles from my house, so I headed downtown on a Saturday to see what I could see and was rewarded handsomely for my stalkerish ways!

There were probably about 20 people there....most of them of the professional autograph seeker type. But the system worked pretty well....we all hung out at the top of the drive, lined up and let the players come to us. Now, I have met many, many celebrities. I have worked on music videos, worked for CMT, went to Fan Fair for a few years, etc., etc. My experience has in NO WAY made me any better about knowing what in the hell to say to them. So I keep my mouth shut. It's charming, I'm sure. I pretty much just said "thank you very much" to each of them and that's it. And, with a few exceptions, I'm really not that into autographs. I would much rather have a picture with a celebrity than their autograph. But I was there by myself with no "photographer" on hand, so I went the autograph route just to do something....

I'm pretty happy with how things went....I got to meet Turco and Morrow right off the bat (Brenden Morrow is taller than I thought he was!). A bunch of the new guys came up and, sadly, I didn't recognize most of them! But thankfully they all sign their names with their number....so I could figure it out later. My first BIG thrill was seeing Daryl "Razor" Reaugh. He is our color commentator. That's right....I was thrilled I got to meet one of our announcers! But if you've ever gotten to hear Ralph and Razor, you would know why. They are the best (and I am not at ALL biased). They are both sarcastic and knowledgable and Razor is constantly spouting off "Razorisms".....phrases or made up words that crack me up. I write them all down. And I told him this (yeah, I'm fun at dinner parties). Anyway, he seemed pleasantly surprised that I even knew who he was (read above: professional autograph hounds). I was so beyond thrilled that I called my mom right after. Because I knew she'd understand.

Mar-ty! Mar-ty! Mar-ty!

Yes, Brenden Morrow is on the phone....he didn't miss a beat in his conversation though...

The infamous Razor (I think these people were only getting his autograph after seeing me do it. I'm pretty sure they didn't know who he was...)

The second big thrill came when Mike Modano came out. I was a tad apprehensive, but he has now redeemed himself in my eyes (and even moreso later!). I had him sign the puck I bought commemorating his 503rd goal....which made him the American-born scoring leader AND was scored IN Nashville at a game I attended.

As the players came out of practice, I did catch a few more (though Steve Ott snapped at one of the "professionals" and I didn't approach him after that). When Modano came out, I was determined to get a picture with him. I finally turned to the guy next to me and asked him if he would oblige (the reason this was so hard was because everyone had their own agenda and moved from player to player....I may have caused this guy to miss someone while he was helping me). Anyway, I finally got my picture with Mike Modano...so now I can die somewhat happy!

I don't know....can you tell I'm stoked? I think I hid my excitement pretty well, right?

I stuck around and got to meet Ralph (our play-by-play guy)....he walked through a group of people that hardly noticed him and when he got near me, I said "Ralph?" and he looked shocked and asked, "are you from Dallas?" I proudly told him I was and congratulated him on the new contract he and Razor had just signed to stay until 2012 (I think). He was impressed I knew that (thanks for the info, Mom!). I was also the only one that recognized Coach Tippett (c'mon! I know what most of the NHL coaches look like! Wake up, people!)

So, all-in-all, it was a pretty successful day. The Stars will be back in town in December and I'm going to drag my friend Nancy down there to be my photographer. All I want is pictures. And maybe by then I will have memorized more faces (thank you, Center Ice!). Someone better warn the Stars that I'm coming.....

It's Out of My Hands for now....

Ok, I was writing (very slowly) a post about my love for fall and all that....but it's gonna take a slight back seat to other things....

So, things here at my Place of Employment are not good. I have not been happy for awhile. Basically, I'm bored. I have used this boredom to my advantage because I am buried in penguin orders and can actually get some of them done during the day (my employers know I am bored...and they know I do this....and they are all like "more power to you" because they're bored too). And I have embraced the fact that I am not defined by my "day job" and more by what I do with my free time. But change is a-comin'....

We just found out that our budget is being cut IN HALF. Things are rough all over, folks, and heads are going to roll. We just don't know which heads. I'm not sure where I fall in the pecking order around here so I don't know how much danger I am in. But I think taking measures is a pretty safe bet. I've been looking for a way out....but it's always nicer to do it on YOUR time rather than someone else's. We've been told nothing will happen until January 1st (but when it comes to stuff like this, you hate to depend on trusting THAT statement). All the not-knowing is giving me quite the headache.

So I've started dusting off my resume and have realized that I don't know if any of the Resume Rules have changed. I guess I know what I'll be doing this weekend, huh? I just hate thinking that I am going to go to yet another "transitional job" once again (the job I work until I can figure out what I REALLY want to do). If I could make a living with my knitting and crocheting, I would do it in a heartbeat. But do you want to pay $40 for a little crocheted penguin? Yeah, probably not. So I'm stuck doing administrative work....not something I particularly love, but it's where my skills have fallen. I can tell you that being proficient in Microsoft Word does NOT get me out of bed excited in the morning! But in the economy we've got going right now, I'm really not going to be very picky. If you've got a job opening, I'll take it!

I'm hoping I feel more like posting about and celebrating fall soon. I think I'll feel better once my resume is ready to go and I can start sending it off (I always feel better when I'm *doing something* about my situation). I'm also going to be spending some time talking with the Big Guy upstairs....I'm working hard on that whole trusting/faith/listening/giving it up/not worrying thing. So far I'm failing miserably, but tomorrow's another day, right? I hear He's got oodles of patience...which I test on a pretty regular basis! Such a joy I am!

Here I Go Again

This past weekend I attended my 20-year high school reunion. I know what you're thinking.... "Stephanie, there is NO WAY you are old enough to have graduated 20 years ago!" Yeah...I know....I graduated when I was 10....

Anyway, I did not attend my 10-year because, well, I didn't really feel like being sized up at the time. That is what your 10-year is for. What big time job do you have, what elite university did you graduate from, what impossibly good looking person did you con into marrying you. You know. But your 20-year is different. Hopefully by now we are mostly past all the petty stuff. Or at least we are individually past the point where we care.

I was not a member of the popular crowd. I'm good with that. I was actually very lucky because, while I was not high on the social ladder, they didn't much care about me or pay any attention to what I was doing. I was not picked on or anything....which is surprising considering that my non-conformist roots were very deeply planted by that time. They knew who I was because, in our community, we all pretty much grew up together. Girl Scouts, softball, dance lessons, and parents in Jaycees intertwined our lives whether we liked it or not. They know my name, but probably cannot recall what activities I was in or what music and stuff I was into. Lest you feel bad for me....they also have NO embarrassing stories to tell. See? It all comes out in the wash.

So I was excited for this reunion. One of my classmates started a Yahoo! group for our class about a year and a half ago just so we could be located and fill each other in on what we were up to. I was a little nervous even posted in the group because I was not sure if the social lines would still exist or to what degree. I think they are still there for some people and to varying degrees, but I felt pretty much accepted from the get go (and, you know, I am part of the aforementioned "past the point where I care" group).

Seeing my former classmates was surreal over and over again. I really have not seen any of these people for 20 years, so I had the shock of some of them not changing one tiny bit and others changing so much I didn't recognize them! We have really aged well, I must say. I had absolutely no idea what to expect....I really don't know how much I have changed, but I have been told that I look young for my age. Well, most of my classmates look young too! (dang...thought maybe I cornered the market on that....). And then there was the whole picnic thing and seeing them with their kids. Little mini-me's! Because I have no concept of what it must be like to be a wife and mother, hearing these miniature versions of my classmates say "mom" or "dad" to them was just WEIRD! And two of my classmates are grandparents. I won't EVEN go into that....

But I must say, as much as I hated high school and the social network that existed, I am really glad I went back for this reunion. People did grow up. Popular and unpopular people mingled. I was actually able to talk to guys I had crushes on (that, of course, went unrequited). I just wish I could go back and tell 15-year-old me that "Yes, your mother is right. Twenty years from now, it really WON'T matter." But 15-year-old me would roll her eyes at 38-year-old me as well....

(P.S. the blog title? Our class song. By Whitesnake. I wish I were kidding....)