The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

....or so they say. I think the suicide help lines would beg to differ on this one....

I don't get too terribly stressed out during the holidays. There aren't endless parties to go to. I have no children to entertain. I have a small family and few friends to buy for. If I get Christmas cards out, great. If not, maybe you'll hear from me next year. I don't have to decide where to spend the holiday and no one in my family is arguing. All in all, this time of year is pretty easy for me!

I realize anything could happen in the next four weeks, but so far I haven't had my usual "I'm all alone in the world" pity party. I tend to get all smooshy about not having a guy to cuddle with in front of the tree and to please get me another glass of egg nog and, oh yeah, maybe another cookie while you're up? Yes, I do ask Santa each year for a boyfriend (to-become-husband). So far the Big Guy hasn't delivered, but maybe this year is my year. My Dave Matthews look-alike is out there somewhere! Where-oh-where are you, Twin Dave?? I have egg nog and cookies waiting!

The only stressor I have in my life right now is I'm having a group of girls come over on Saturday to help put together our blanket squares. I have never had people over. I've always used the (pitiful) excuse that my apartment is way too teeny tiny to have more than two people in it. I moved out of my excuse two months ago. So now I'm a little freaked out. I have to clean, first of all.....and put away (shove) all my crap somewhere that hasn't found it's place yet. I went to the store last night, so hopefully I have stuff people will like to eat and drink. And I have NO seating, so that should be fun. I know I shouldn't worry because these people are my friends and they at least won't say I'm a crappy host TO MY FACE. I just want my first time entertaining to be successful, or this may be the first and last time I open my door to the free world.

Ok, as promised, it is time to draw another life change out of the Dave Matthews Band-themed ice cream container. The turning off the tv has gone very well....it was nice to have an easy one to start out with. So here we go.....my next project is:


Oh, this is a biggie. I have the horrible habit of trying to get a jump start on my next contribution to the conversation. In the meantime, I don't really hear a word the person I'm talking to is saying. I will even sometimes go so far as to interrupt the person just so I can get out what I want to say. It's the height of rudeness and I, obviously, hate that I do it. I have a sinking feeling this one is going to take a bit more work than the last one. But if I can conquer this ugly habit, I will be so very proud of myself! God, grant me the patience to shut up. Thank you.

Over the river and through the woods.....

*Note to self: This post needs pictures and links! Pronto!*

In a few hours I *hope* to be on a plane to Dallas. Flying is always an adventure because I fly on employee passes everywhere I go. It's a great perk.....I'm incredibly thankful for it (and will remember that on Thursday!). But it comes with it's stresses too. Mainly, will I get a seat on the plane. More often than not, I do. But, as Tom Petty says, the waiting is the hardest part. And if I don't get on the flight tonight, then I get to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed tomorrow morning for a 6 AM flight. And no one should have to see me that early in the morning.

After a long drought of just working on homeless hat after homeless hat, I have finally gotten the spark to do some personal knitting projects! Damn Michael's for having a yarn sale. Anyway, I bought some Lion's Brand wool in bright green and brown to make a felted bag. This is my second adventure into felting and I'm hoping it goes a little better than the first. The huge rectangle that was supposed to become my needle case came out of the machine a little wonky on the sides. And I couldn't block it to save my life. And couldn't cut it to save my life either. Perhaps my second go will be much more successful.

I also bought some Moda Dea Tweedle Dee to make a scarf. Originally it was going to be a drop stitch scarf, but I decided I wasn't crazy about how that was looking. So, it will more than likely become a simple stockinette stitch scarf instead. This is my plane project. The felted bag doesn't fly well as I end up poking my neighbor with the needles for two hours!

And, lastly, I got some yarn that I can't remember the name of right now to make my first knit sweater. My friend Courtney had on the To Dye For sweater from the famous Stitch 'n Bitch book on when we went to meet Crazy Aunt Purl and I coveted it! She said it was easy. We will see. I know it involves counting. And math. Mmmmmm hmmmmm. Don't hold your breath on this one.....

And in final news before I head off on my Thanksgiving travel adventure, the whole turning off the TV thing is going really well. I no longer have to force myself to do it (with all these knitting projects, why would I turn on the TV?). So, after the break, it will be time for change #2. I know I'll be waiting with bated breath.

Gobble, gobble.

Psssssst! Who's there??

Ok, I have reason to believe that someone has actually come here and read my blog. I realize that is what it is for.....and I do want readers. I think. See, I haven't told a soul that I'm doing this. I don't know....I guess I'm just not ready to announce to my friends that I write on the internet and please read it! And please tell me it doesn't suck! It very well might suck, though I hope my friends would lie and tell me it's delightful reading anyway.....

Soooooooo......if you are reading this, welcome! Chances are you got here by mistake, but make yourself at home anyway!

In other news....the "turn off the tv" experiment is going well so far. It's been easier and harder than I thought. It was easy to say "there is nothing on so time to turn off". It was even easy to find something else to do. But I can also see that finding something else to do will be challenging at times. Yes, there will always be some corner of my house that needs to be cleaned (lordy, ain't that the truth!). There will always be a book to read (sometime I will share the titles of the PILES of books I have waiting to be read). There will always be knitting to be done (hats!). But there will also be times where I say (or whine, as the case may be) "I don't feel like doing something else! I want to become a bad tv zombie!" It will be a test of strength and, I'll admit, there will be times where I give in to temptation. I guess as long as I don't plant my ass on the couch with the box turned on for endless hours, I'll be ok if I zone out once in awhile....

Tonight is knitting. Have I shared about our Hands On Nashville (HON) knitting group? I may have to come back and edit if I have not. Let's assume I have. So, as I was saying, tonight is knitting.....and I'm not really looking forward to it. This is going to make me sound like a mean, heartless person, but, I'm getting kind of tired of teaching people to knit. I was not cut out to be a teacher in any capacity (god love teachers....I don't know how you do it!). I don't explain things well, which gets everyone just a tad frustrated. Also, I am part of this group because I love to just sit and knit and drink coffee and gab about stupid stuff. But when I have to teach a new knitter, I don't really get to do any of this (for anyone that doesn't knit.....it cannot be learned in a quickie 5-minute lesson. Let this be a warning to you). So, I get to hear my friends laugh and carry on and KNIT while I focus on one person who is usually looking at me like I just spoke to them in Japanese.

Now, this does not in any way, shape or form mean I don't want to bring people into the knitting family! When you have a passion for something, of course you want to share. But having it thrust on you when you were really looking to just unwind (hee!) and not think about stuff makes it not so enjoyable. Not to mention the fact that time after time we teach these people, send them off with our yarn (it was all donated....but still) and never see them again. We're basically running a free knitting class (and free yarn distribution). I'm getting a little bitter...can't you tell??

Just let me knit in peace!

To change the world, starts with one step....

.....and no matter how small, the first step is hardest of all....

So I had said that I was going to make a list of things I would like to change about myself and throw a dart at it to see what thing would come first. Then I realized I don't own darts. So Plan B was to write (or type) up the list, tear it into individual strips and pull one out of a hat (so to speak). And that's just what I did....

(The List.....all chopped up)

(The List in "the hat" a.k.a. my DMB ice cream container....)

What is change Numero Uno??


Turn off the tv.

This does not mean I am not allowed to watch tv (because that would never fly). I just have a tendency to come home from work, turn on the news and not turn the tv off until it's time for bed. Nevermind if there's nothing on. I'll have the Weather Channel tuned in if nothing else. Or I will flip and flip (knowing I won't find anything, but flip I must). And so I sit, ass to couch, for hours on end and accomplishing nothing (well, sometimes I knit/crochet....so I am getting something done). While a little mindless tv viewing is ok every once in awhile, at my house it's become the rule rather than the exception.

So, starting today, if I see that there isn't anything that just jumps out and grabs me on tv, I will turn it off. And read a book. Or clean my house. Or call a friend. Or do yoga. But no more tv for background noise or just "something to do".....cause there's plenty I SHOULD be doing! (hi. crap still piled in my dining room? I'm looking at you.)

Baby Steps

That is the lesson of the day. The lesson I hope to learn....today......tomorrow.....sometime soon.

Baby. Steps.

I am an exaggerator and a drama queen. And Chicken Little. So for me to get a mature handle on my life and the things happening around me is just short of impossible. I usually spend the majority of my breathing moments completely overwhelmed because OH MY GOD, if I don't figure how to become a good friend in the next 20 minutes, whatever will I do??? Oh! And not only do I need be a better friend, I also need to get my house completely together...NOW! The pressure I put on myself. I should be fired.

So I need to learn baby steps. One thing at a time. And that thing isn't going to be perfect between now and when I roll my ass out of bed tomorrow. Patience is probably one of my worst faults (adult ADD, you guys....I just know it). I'm really not a "work long and hard to get results" person. I'm a "I want it and I want it NOW" person. a.k.a., a three-year-old.

(a little aside here....I started this post after taking half of an Ambien. And I don't remember writing any of this. Scary)

Ok, where was I? Oh yeah....me and my freak-outs.....

Now I need to decide what to work on first (the list is oh so long). Do I work on something from the social skills genre like calling people more often? Or do I pick something from the general personality traits list like live in this moment and stop worrying so much about tomorrow? What to do, what to do. I sometimes wish I could jet off to a deserted island and have all the time in the world to contemplate my navel and work through my issues in my head and I would come back a whole new person. Realistic, no?

Perhaps I will just make a list and then throw a dart at it and see what comes up. Then I'll write about my issue d'jour and what I plan to do about it! Isn't this FUN??!!

Maybe I should try Britney's approach.....

I have a love/hate thing with my hair. I've come to terms with the fact that it's fine and that it's not quite naturally straight but not quite naturally wavy. I've got cowlicks on both sides of my temple and I always have a little peach fuzz at the top where it breaks off. All that I have learned to live with......the length and color are what give me trouble.....

I am 99% sure I have ADD.....no, seriously, I really think I have a deficient attention span. And this carries over to what my hair looks like on any given day. If it's short, I want it long. If it's blonde, I want it brown. If it's got layers, I want it all one length. You get the idea.

So about once a year I change it. And usually I'm changing it BACK to a way it's been before! In the 20 years since high school, I bet I have had my hair in my senior year hairstyle at least 5 times (a little past shoulder length, blonde and hanging in my eyes just enough to hide behind). You can bet that no matter what style my hair is, that I will soon decide I hate it, I will change it, but sometime in the next 5 years I will go back to it. I need help.

And that brings me to today. Well, first it brings me to two years ago. I decided that coloring my hair was doing too much damage and I wanted to go natural (though what that color would be, I did not know). After my roots had grown to a length where the two tones no longer looked classy, I cut my hair to just below my ears and did my best to color it matching my actual color. I got lots of compliments and actually liked my new short style.....for about a month. I immediately started growing the length back out.

Fast forward to about 5 days ago. I decided that my natural color was not working for me (nevermind this is the hair color God gave me. Perhaps He is colorblind). So I called my hairdresser and made an appointment for highlights. For today. Cause I don't like to sit around and mull this stuff. Once I get a hair-changing idea in my head, you can count the hours until it happens. And there aren't many.

So today I got my hair highlighted for the first time in my life (before this it was always a full-blown coloring). I like it. Though I can't decided if I'm happy that it's really just my color with a little kick or if I'm disappointed that it's not more drastic. Not that it matters anyway....in about 6 months I'll decide to change it whether I like it today or not.....I should make the appointment for the head shaving now.....

This is before....very blah

This is after....not as blah...but maybe not as wow as I thought

Every woman's obsession

Yep, it's time to talk about weight.

Let me start by saying that I am not as obsessed with my weight as I used to be (maybe as I get on in years, I just don't care as much). But it's still an issue and I'm still dealing with it.

The method of dieting I have found works best for me is counting calories and exercising. I did this three years ago and was very successful. "How successful could it have been if you are doing it again?" you may ask. Well, I did very well for a long time and the weight (not even all of it) has come back very slowly. But come back it has, so it's time to buckle down!

I write down everything that goes in my mouth (try that sometime....it is scary!) I have a website I just love that helps me figure the calories on things not packaged (it also has a bunch of other calculators on there....quite a lovely site!). I, personally, am trying to stick to 1,200 calories a day...that's what is healthy for me at my height and weight. It's not easy to do right now because I have stretched out my stomach and sometimes get hungry before the next meal/snack. But I know from experience that my tummy will get used to the reduced food intake and pretty soon I won't even be able to eat the amount I did before. Oh what a happy day it will be when I don't reach for that third piece of pizza!

The second part of the equation (and, to me, the most important part) is the exercise. I *really* slacked off during the summer (it's too hottttttt!). But now I'm able to walk at lunch and I'm finally using that yoga dvd I got for my birthday (yoga: an obsession for another day....). See, I didn't really gain that much weight.....but I sure have gotten flabby! I look 5 months pregnant most of the time. Only it's not cute on me and there will be no bouncing baby whatever in the next 4 months (can't make adorable baby booties for this lump! No way!)

Anyhow, my short term goal is 5 pounds by Thanksgiving (three weeks). But, really, just being able to breathe in my clothes would make me happy. (as we speak, I am sitting here in a pair of jeans that I have unbuttoned and unzipped under my sweatshirt. So classy. And so embarrassing.)

And, just so I have this on record......on November 1st I weighed in at 152 pounds. Can I reach 147 by Turkey Day?? Methinks the answer is a resounding "abso-freakin-lutely!"

(Tune in tomorrow when we will discuss my love-hate relationship with my hair.....)